I'm on the underground going through an article I cached on my phone all the while looking around (because that's just something I do). I read something funny and look up at the same time. My eyes accidentally make contact with a fat girl (no, not chubby, full on fat) and she doesn't stop looking at me. Then her friend starts staring at me too (not fat but she had braces and I could tell she couldn't have been older than 14). They smile, grin and chuckle a little while I nod and put up an awkward smile because I feel uncomfortable. I spend the rest of my journey looking at the article I finished reading a while ago in order to avoid anymore eye contact. In conclusion: I attract fatties and kids. Off to work where I can do something constructive whilst wallowing in my sorrow.